Leading Through Mistrust

What do you do when an employee is committed to misunderstanding you? There are many reasons an employee might see your leadership through a lens of mistrust.

Perhaps they put you on a pedestal and have now witnessed your humanity (this was inevitable). Maybe they carry the weight of a significant rupture with a former employer or institution and anticipate future disappointment. Or maybe their mistrust of authority is rooted in harmful systems, discrimination, or inequality. 

Regardless of the reason, those relational imprints or traumas show up in your workplace. The question becomes how do you repair a relational rupture that did not originate with you?

Creating a Process for Repair

First, consider shifting your perspective that some skepticism towards you is welcomed and reasonable. We all have parts within us that resist, question, or challenge authority even if they have earned our trust.  

Yet, at some point, your employees must decide: are they more committed to a process of repair or to the process of rupture?

Ruptures will happen - we are human, after all. When we recognize that our relational ecosystems need a process for Repair, we can normalize that these moments happen and address them more intentionally.

It's about talking with your employees about your working relationships on an ongoing basis. It's defining with them what you might say or do when the next rupture occurs - because it will - and that's okay.

A clear process for repair keeps your workplace culture grounded in truth rather than tension.

Here's a brief example:

"I wanted to talk about the repair process in our working relationship. There will come a time when a rupture occurs between us. It might be little ruptures that add up over time or one big moment of disconnection. Either way, we will need a process to authentically talk about what's present here in the room. 

I don't want us to have to take the energy to mask or pretend. And I'd rather more truth be spoken inside than outside our meetings.

I do want to acknowledge the power differential between us. As your supervisor/manager, I understand that it might be hard to share when a rupture has occurred between us, so I am committed to creating space for conversations in an ongoing manner so we can do regular check-ins about our working relationship and communication patterns. How does that sound to you?"

When the Choice Is Rupture

Ultimately, when you know you've consistently centered conversations around your working relationship, yet they are still committed to misunderstanding you (or a process of rupture), they are making a choice. 

Then, your work becomes about accepting their choice, naming the relational dynamics in real-time, and respectfully holding them accountable when they do not uphold work culture values or communication norms.

Want support around creating communication norms with your team? Is there a Repair conversation you've been avoiding and want help with? Schedule a complimentary consultation with us.